A moment of insanity and NYT chocolate chip cookies

You know that moment when it feels like your life collapses and you can’t breathe?  When people become irrelevant, and your surroundings appear wrapped in gauze, and the only speed you are capable of is reckless?  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re only 25, you’re not old enough to have a midlife crisis.  Well, I can honestly say I had an early life crisis yesterday.  Months of frustration cracked open a damn that left me shaky, nauseous, and tearful.  I thought I had set myself up better in life, but it turns out, the infinitely optimistic philosopher who coined the phrase: what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger, forgot a crucial part.  It should be: what doesn’t kill you, will break you first, but leave you angry and desperate enough to re-assemble yourself into (perhaps) something stronger.  But what is stronger?  More able to block yourself against hurt?  More capable?  I’d like to believe the strength referred to is a greater strength and capacity of love for yourself and the people in it, but, in retrospect of how I normally feel in a time of distress, I don’t believe this was the intended meaning.  At this particular low – I was angry.  Vengeful.  Ashamed.  I did not feel strong until I was getting a hug from someone stronger.  It’s moments like those that make you remember the most important thing in life is love – not only for others, but also yourself.   These next few months are going to test me – and, because of the support around me, I will reach the finish line.  But, as the next half of the title implies, I will have to learn to enjoy myself along the way.   And part of that enjoyment means delving deep, deep into a batch of homemade cookies.  These, according to almost every food blogger that has ever attempted, is THE BEST chocolate chip cookies in existence.  This is the 24-hour, caramel-flavored, beauty gushed about in a NYT article from 2008.  (I encourage you to read the whole article.)  Believe me, the chocolate fortifies against sadness, the sugar quickens your pulse (even if artificially), and in the aftermath, you feel fuller and more energetic than before.  Yup – this is definitely a early-life crisis cookie.  I am not saying it’s perfect, by any means, but serves as an excellent jumping off point.

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I think creaming the butter and sugar is my favorite part – no wonder these ingredients are also the base for Momofuku Milk Bar’s Crack Pie.

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I was worried at this stage, I’ve never seen cookies turn this golden after so short in the oven.

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Yup, the day’s looking brighter already!  (It could be this balmy-75 degree weather were having, but I’m staying optimistic.)